Aleph Null

Who's fault is it? When I was younger, I was always taught to stop blaming others, and blame yourself. But is that really the best strategy? When something goes wrong, is it always really only one person who is to blame? How did the blamed get into that situation in the first place? Did they just magically appear there to fail and be blamed? Did they ask to be in this position? Who gave permission for that person to be in the blamed position? Should they not be the ones to be blamed, or at least take part of the blame? But then, what about the others who are directly related to the person who put the person in the blamed position. Are they not to blame either? What if the blamed never even wanted to be born in the first place? What if none of them wanted to be born? Can we blame someone who never wanted to exist? Why give any type of responsibility to any of those people? Where can the blame be stopped? Is everyone to be blamed? Can we even blame the people who ...

Hello one and all! Once, I posted a journal, and here are the first 60 pages of the second part of the journal. This one, I have called "Blûre" as my life is kind of a blur right now, and if you mix the letters around, it spells "Brûle", which is french for Burn. The work is still is still being completed, but I'm having fun doing it. I have contacted many publishers to try and publish my original journal, but as of right now, everybody is refusing. I will try and fuse Rogue and Blûre with their best parts into one hybrid journal. If this does not work, I will likely self publish, which costs around 800 euros, and i don't even have a job yet, but that's ok, I have time. You can find it here: I hope you enjoy!

I am probably the most horrible flirter ever. First, the word, "Flirting". I checked it out in the dictionary. "to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions, play at love, coquet." Without serious intentions? As in we just flirt with no thought behind it? We give off winks and flare our noses to make people think we are interested, but in fact we are not interested at all? How does one show interest in another person if it's not through flirting? What's the point of flirting at all, if, essentially, nothing comes of it? Just so people can feel good about themselves because part of their brain believes that the other person is interested in them? So they can feel good about themselves? Maybe that's why many people seem to hate me. Or maybe I'm just an asshole, I don't know. When I was in middle school, I remember there was this kid, who always had an expressionless face. You never knew if he was happy, mad, sad. etc. ...

When you are able to disconnect from everything, you are able to choose from anything. What does this mean? I thought about this phrase last night, and instead of writing it directly in my journal, I decided to go to sleep. What a mistake that was. Thankfully I wrote down the phrase to try and reconstruct the thought process. Sadly it won't be as good as the original thought (or maybe it will be even better, who knows!) but I thought the idea was pretty cool at the time. So, first off all, we must disconnect. But disconnect from what? What are we connected to? We are connected to technology, we are connected to the people around us, we are connected to society. Being connected means that we are affected by said connections. All of these connections are either positive or negative. Thinking about it, a connection could also be neutral, no? If we have a neutral connection with something, do we care at all? It doesn't cause us any pain or pleasure, so do we want to disconnec...

I am sick. I have a voice of a 5 year old in my head. An angry child that repeats nasty words in my mind over and over again. He will say bad things towards other people, calling them “ugly”, “fat”, “old”, he never has anything positive to say. He will see other races, and call them “niggers” or “chinks”. He will listen to other people’s stories and scream “liar” or say “LOL” when listening to people pouring their heart out. He will shout “pedophile” or “rape” when seeing certain people on the street. He will tell me I am a “liar”, or say that I am “beautiful” or “the best” when I have never thought this about myself in the past. I can’t control this voice, I don’t know if I should kill it, or try to calm it. The worst is when the voice hurts the people who I love, my family, my friends, the people close to me. When I explain the situation to people, they ask me if the voice hasn’t always been a part of me. I’ve thought about it long and hard, and I have multiple reasons to think ...

Many forms of media present a sense of luck, or destiny into their content. It always seems that our heroes come out alive, many times by a hair. The cliched bomb that is diffused at 0:01 seconds, the classic scene in Indiana Jones where he grabs his hat right before the giant slab stone door closes, or the one man army who is able to take out all of his enemies single handedly to save the day. It is even found in video games, as the very concept of a video game is to advance until the ending. Some even include this fact into their story telling. One of my personal favorite games that includes this story element is the Marathon series. In it's final screen, the AI known as Durandal, ponders these thoughts about you, the main protagonist: ----------- ... BUT YOU WERE DEAD A THOUSAND TIMES. HOPELESS ENCOUNTERS SUCCESSFULLY WON. A MAN LONG DEAD. GRAFTED TO MACHINES YOUR BUILDERS DID NOT UNDERSTAND. YOU FOLLOW THE PATH, FITTING INTO AN INFINITE PATTERN. YOURS TO MANIP...

Hello! Haven't written anything in forever, thought about making another blog, but all the cool names were taken, so I'm back here, I mean why not. On with my free flow little thing I wrote here a couple of days ago. I had no internet. I wonder if I would have written this if I had internet.... Was it a sign? I used to not beleive in signs, but now I see them everywhere. Every little thing, every little detail, I think it means something. I thought in the beginning there were good signs and bad signs, but really, I choose the signs that I want to see. I saw a guy on the street with a cool shirt. One one side was a snake, and the other, a flower. My mind decided to choose the flower as a prosperous sign, a sign of growth and love. My mind did not choose to view the snake as a sign, as for me, a snake represents poison, a bad omen. I chose what I wanted to see and believe. Others might see the snake and say that it represents life, a unity of something, from the tail t...